This afternoon as I am reflecting on the day I am overwhelmed with emotions. God has been so good to me and my family. He has given me a wonderful Godly husband and these three beautiful children. What is overwhelming to me is that He loved me so much He sent His only Son to die on the cross so I can have eternal life. I can't imagine. God is so good!!!!!!!!Happy Easter!!!!!! He Has Risen!!!!!!! Thank you Lord for sending your son to die a horrible death so I can be set free.
Many people have asked me over the last few months if I have journaled about our experience with Logan. My answer has been NO. I was only able to take a few pictures at the hospital and that was only when my mom told me I would regret not having any pictures of him. I felt that if I wrote down what was happening and how I felt about it then it would be real. If I took pictures of how horrible my newborn looked than it would become real. I just couldn't face it.
This past weekend I was at a friends house and her wonderful Godly mom made me watch a video that had the testimony from one of the "Women of Faith" speakers. She spoke on how at 15 days old she lost her daughter and how through that whole time she wasn't able to speak or write about it. She couldn't even bring herself to go to the hospital and say goodbye to her daughter when the doctors called and said she wasn't going to make it. She spoke about how this time was such a regret for her.
This testimony really hit home for me. She told of how God wants us to walk through our experiences. He gives us these things in life to experience not to walk around. The Lord talks about how we are to go through the the trails of life and he will walk with us. He does not want us to go around them because then we won't see the Glory and purpose that God had for us and others through these times.
WOW, what an eye opening day for me. I want to be able to walk through all of my trials in life with the Lord right there by my side.
Yesterday was the day, we had to be at the hospital at 7:00 to check in and have Logan drink something that smelled like grape juice. His actual test wasn't until 10:30, so the poor little guy had to go a long time without eating. His actual last real feed was at 4:30. The test occurred at 10:30 and I handed my precious little boy over to a nurse who said we will come and get you in an hour. An hour later they came out and said he is waking up and we can come and see him. We had to stay at the hospital till 4:30 so he could be observed to make sure he didn't have a reaction to the anastisouse. During this time I was able to visit for a few minutes with my wonderful friend Abby. It was nice to see her in the cafeteria and catch up for a few minutes.
We left the hospital and went to get our kids at my friends house in Beaverton. While Ryan and I ran into the house to grab the kids I left my cell phone in the car. The doctor told me it would take a few days to get the results back, so I didn't even think of grabbing my phone for the five minutes we would be in the house. Well, of course while I was in there the doctor called and left a wonderful message. The liver did not show any signs of cancer spots. It looks like it is doing a wonderful job of regenerating itself. He doesn't need to see us for two weeks. He wants to repeat an ultrasound in a few months, but he was very happy with what he saw. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last night I went back again to feeling like my little guy was just a normal little newborn with a few issues that includes adorable baby acne.
At 11:00 today the liver specialists called and and said that we need to bring Logan in on Tuesday for a c-t scan of his liver. Apparently one of the tests they have been following continues to increase. The test they are watching is called the alpha-feta-protein test. This tests for cancer in the liver. So, on Tuesday we will go and see what is going on. Please pray that it is nothing and the levels are just high because of the damage that was done to his liver.
Today was our Portland trip to see the specialists.
In a nutshell here are the updates:
Liver specialists: Logan continues to improve every visit. He is now at 10lbs so we can try and give him just breast milk for his feedings. That means I can try and just nurse him except for three feedings out of the day where I need to dilute one of his medications in a bottle. There are still a few very scary things that can happen while his liver continues to improve. One of them is more bleeding in the brain. The doctor is continueing to watch his blood levels which will show if this is occuring. The wrong labs were drawn on him last week so we had to redraw them today and we won't know those results till later in the week.
After this visit we travel across the street and see the kidney specialists:
He continues to show improvement in his kidneys also. We are now functioning at 45%. Today was the first time that the doctor talked about the longterm effect that the damage has had on the kidneys. Basically the doctor told us that by the end of his first year we will know the extent of the damage. It looks like at this point at some point in his life he will need a kidney transplant. The doctor will just use this next year to gage when that will be. If the kidney stayed just he way it is today he would need one around the age of 10 or 11. If the kidney continues to improve (which I must stress it has) then we are looking at the age of 30-40. If he starts even improving more rapidly we are looking at the age of 70-80. The bottom line is his kidneys are bad and more than likely at some point in his life they will need to be replaced.
That was his visits today in a nutshell.
I left both appointments feeling a little discouraged. It was just a reminder to me that I really just need to enjoy each day that I have with him and take everything one step at a time.
I know that God has such a wonderful plan for this little guy, but above and beyond Logan I know that God has so much that he wants me to do on this earth. I have learned so much through this little guy.